Some teachers and I commandeered a cruise ship from the Star Cruises fleet this week and took it to the tiny Japanese Islands of Ishigaki and Okinawa. The trip was almost sidetracked due to extreme weather conditions brought on by not one, but 3 typhoons. But, we ended up following one out to sea rather than running a course directly into it. Sweet. So we drove 3 hours up north to Keelung and boarded the ship around 3 p.m. Sunday.
We got to chill for about an hour or so before the boat left the port. Perfect for Jory and I to participate in some poolside party antics, which included a balloon chasing game that I’m pretty sure is aimed at making its participants look like assholes. Anyway, this asshole lost.
Having never been on a cruise ship before I assumed the massive size of the boat might some how reduce the ocean-motion, swinging, wavy, drunk feeling. This is not the case. Walking around on the boat brought me back to the spring break trips the boys and I took in Daytona. For those who don’t occasionally participate in heavy binge drinking; the feeling of walking on this ship isn’t far from that of a 7-day alcohol induced haze of minor dizziness and uncoordinated walking, sans the slurred speech and lifetime reminders (haha! I love you Miles) of mistakes made.
The rest of the first day was spent on deck receiving emergency evacuation demonstrations from the ship crew (this is the point when visions of myself in a huge orange rescue raft accompanied by scurvy ridden, heat stroke crazy survivors surrounded by hungry sharks popped into my head, followed by a comedy bit about sharks http://comedians.jokes.com/robert-schimmel/videos/robert-schimmel---punch-a-shark Thank you ‘I Shouldn’t Be Alive’ and Robert Schimmel) and exploring the ship until dinnertime. After dinner we went to our room and I received my first lesson in the Chinese gambling phenom that is Mahjong. After playing for a solid 90minutes, possibly two hours, I left the room with my pockets about $700NT lighter. I spent the rest of the evening checking out the ship’s entertainment and crazy cool, clear starry skies.
Day two we set foot ashore the tiny island of Ishigaki. We spent 6 hours checking out beaches, glass-bottom boats, a few temples, and an old historic area with traditional Japanese houses and a caged area that houses about 20 of the most adorable pick-pocketing monkeys you’ll ever get jacked by. I laughed aloud as I witnessed one of them reach into a woman’s bag and steal a pack of gum/candy, scurry off into a tree and then proceed to open the pack of candy only to empty its goods onto the ground below. Hilarious.
Back on the ship I chilled poolside until dinnertime again and then we caught a dance show starring a bunch of European dancers and some Chinese acrobats. After the show I stepped into the casino for a chance to invest in the ships repair costs and Captain’s bonuses. I sat at the blackjack table and hit the ground running. I had chain smoking, grumpy, old dudes and young card counters letting their chips ride on me (In the end I’m pretty sure I won them more money than I won myself). My luck started to fade and in the end it took me about three hours to drain it dry and lose about $3000NT (you’ll see that this is a common theme throughout this trip). After another winless night I chilled on the top deck until I feel asleep in a pool chair and woke up to drag myself below deck into my coffin style bunk.
Day three! Inland on Okinawa. The day started out cool as we went to a cultural center to watch a traditional drum show, wander through a bat cave of stalactites and stalagmites and take a glimpse and sample of a local brewery that specializes in snake wine. Then it went down hill as for some reason they feel the Japanese outdoor shopping mall is something of amazement. In fact, it isn’t. It was a tremendous waste of 3 hours in Japan to go to a shopping mall and see a bunch of overpriced everything I could’ve not bought anywhere else in the world...
with the exception of the food court 
(Hahaha! why is there a BONE in a hot dog? and WHERE did it come from???)
I went into the Adidas store, and then sat on a bench for about 1.5 hours. Stupid. Back to the ship, poolside, and dinner. Back to the casino, this time to let the others take a shot at banking some Hong Kong dollars. However, greed or vengeance got the best of me and I laid down about $3000NT more at the roulette and blackjack tables. Needless to say my luck didn’t board the ship with me in Keelung. And within less than two hours I was walking out of the casino looking for entertainment that wouldn’t lighten my wallet. It was then that I found a show room hosting another party with singing, dancing, and team activities involving balloons and hats and music and shouting and feminine Philippine hosts (shout out to my boy Henrix!). After winning a balloon blowing race and then leading my team to failure in a balloon passing race, the party soon ended and I lounged around the top deck again until bedtime.
Day four was the return to Taiwan. This was spent doing absolutely nothing. I sat atop the ship soaking up the sun and peering out at the sea, occasionally chatting it up with other Taiwanese vacation goers. It was awesome. (Apologies to everyone I was with if I came off as a party pooper, but I was all about maxin’ and relaxin’ to the fullest that last day). We got back to Taiwan around 4 o’clock Wednesday and drove back home (props to Jory for being the designated driver all the time, I’d drive myself but I’m almost positive I’ll kill someone)
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